At the end of every summer, I get education anxiety.
When I first had a baby, people told me my sleep would forever be changed, my heart would walk around outside my body, and all kinds of information about breast is best, child led weaning, and cloth v. disposable. #weuseboth
No one ever told me that education was going to be my biggest concern. No one told me that I would lose countless night of sleep, not to hungry babies, but to endless mind rants of the educational choices available to my child. #firstworldproblem
When we carefully selected a private Lutheran preschool for my oldest child, I thought,
“Oh good. Educational choice made. Check that box!”
I mean, that was hard enough. We toured schools, we googled what to look for to find the best education, we prayed and prayed and prayed some more.
Three years later, we discovered it wasn’t working for us. It wasn’t working for her, it wasn’t working for our family.
We solidified our homeschool philosophy, figured out a system, and did something new, something alternative. It was good for three of us. Three of us were miserable. #backtothedrawingboard
I internalized every single article I read and every voice of the external debate…
Homeschool, public school, private school, some of each – the choices abound. #againfirstworldproblem
I wanted every member of our family on the same page. I wanted one system that would just work for everyone, for the love of Pete! Is that too much to ask?!
“Just give me a system, God! Give me a system!”
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I think so many of us, whether in schooling, parenting, our marriages, goodness, even life itself, want a system.
This is what God has taught me…
“Do you believe in individuality, Heidi? Do you believe that I, your Lord and Savior, value each and every one of your children, as individuals, knit together carefully, lovingly, tenderly?”
Why, yes I do, God. Yes, I do.
So, this year, we are going rouge. One in homeschool, with maybe some public school classes, three in private Lutheran education.
This may work forever. We may need to change it up next year, or the year after that, or not at all. As much as I value stability, I’m beginning to learn that there is no life system. There is only Jesus.
I love you, O Lord, my strength.
The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:1-2
He is our rock. He is our stable ground;Christ Jesus for us, and for our kids. When we walk willingly into the unknown and imperfect, resting in Him, we stand as witnesses to His strength and not our own.
So, here’s to no system!
I still have some education anxiety, but at least I know where to turn. Casting it on Him, who cares infinitely.
Praying over every momma, every child, and every teacher. May His faithfulness pour out to each of you as you go along your way.