The day autism came to our house…

For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer.    1 Timothy 4:4-5
                                                   


My sweet Zeke. Precious child of God. He was born 3 weeks early on the night of a voter’s meeting. I didn’t bother to tell my husband I was in labor until midnight…why add to his burden? I’m sure someone can relate.

…And then he was here. 5 lbs, 1 oz. of wriggly tiny old man-looking cuteness. Zeke was precious, and always had lots of needs. He never slept well, he never ate great, he used his swing until he was 18 months old. He had RSV, pneumonia…He hated birds chirping and could do without people most days. He didn’t really talk until he started occupational therapy at 2. 

But oh, the sweetness. When he’s happy, you can’t even imagine how happy. He regales us with his funny matter-of-fact stories, he loves lions and Papa and skipped the Duplo stage and went straight to engineering Legos early on. 

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I always had this deep fear of autism as a young parent. My generation is probably the one made fully aware of autism from the first moment of parenting. I got the message loud and clear that it was painful, difficult, unknown, and a struggle. I thought that with it my child wouldn’t touch me, laugh with me, look at me. I had built misconceptions all up in my mind that fed a fear leaving me praying- “anything but that, Lord. Anything but that…”

And then it came to our house. 

By the time Zeke got his diagnosis of Spectrum (Zeke’s form is what they formerly used to call Aspberger’s), I felt freed by it. Here was my beautiful child, a gift from above, with all his quirks, precious to me. It wasn’t anything like I feared. God gave him to me as a gift. What Satan tormented me with in fear, God made beautiful daily. With Zeke’s diagnosis I can begin to help people understand him and his way of processing the world. I deeply believe Zeke’s way of seeing the world can teach us so much, if we only take the time to see it. 

And isn’t that the way God is. He takes the very thing we feared, the very thing that poked at us and crumpled our hearts, and uses them to take fear from us, to wash the anxiety and build our trust in Him.

God is using Zeke’s testimony already. God has a plan and a purpose, not only for Zeke, but for autistic Zeke, for Zeke’s challenges and his gifts. 
Our church is a different place with a little boy who can’t sit in a pew, but prefers to lay in the aisle. Our church is a different place because getting a “hi” from Zeke is something special and you have to work for it a bit. It’s difficult some days, but I’m reminded that other kids and other parents can be encouraged in knowing we all struggle in the world. Zeke’s struggle simply now has a name.

May our churches flourish with these little gifts. Gifts that remind us that God made us all a little bit different, and what God made is always good. May we lift up the differences, celebrate them, and love them in a way that shouts to the world- This is Christ, alive and well, people!


Through a little boy…praising the Lord, in His own way.

Do you have a child who shouts praises to the Lord in his or her own way? I’d love to hear your story.

The woman in the pew next to me

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
                                                               Ephesians 4:32

My supervisor left a sweet note in my box the other day:
    Heidi,
      I saw this and thought of you. 🙂 

(A generally good way to make someone’s day is to leave a note like this!) Attached to the note was a small magazine with a post-it note marking one tiny article that ran down the side of a page.

The article was entitled “The Women in the Pew Next to Me.”
I didn’t even get a chance to read the article before my mind was working over time. How often do we notice what is happening in the world of the woman sitting next to us on Sundays? 

Who knows if her marriage is happy?
Who knows if her heart is breaking over the decisions of one of her children?
Who knows if she’s losing her house?
Who knows if she’s waiting for a diagnosis from a doctor?
Who knows if she’s working two jobs?
Who knows if if she grew up losing her self-worth slowly to sexual abuse?
Who knows if anyone ever told her she’s beautiful?
Who knows if anyone told her God loves her despite her past, despite her present?
Who knows if she’s exhausted…chasing little people, slogging through laundry, sacrificing dinners out for family time in?
Who knows if someone’s words cut deep into her heart?
Who knows if she feels insignificant- searching for a friend who will listen and laugh, cry and hug?
Who knows if she lost one of her children to heaven in the early stages of her pregnancy?
Who knows if she struggles to control her weight, her beauty, her emotions?
Who knows if she still cries silent tears from the abortion so many years before, or just days ago?
Who knows if she struggles to care for a child whose needs seem more than she could ever fill?
Who knows…


At the risk of sounding too law oriented- have we taken the time to notice, to care, to ask about the tears, real or silent rolling down her face? This, my friends, is the church. This pew is where Christ meets us in the form of people who love us, hold us up when we have no strength, and laugh with us in our deepest joys. 

What if that person is your pastor’s wife? What if one person asked her out to coffee or invited her over for a moment of friendship? What if we included one another in our lives to the degree that we open in our hearts and let Christ do His great big work of Love, and Forgiveness, and Compassion, and Kindness through those of us sitting in the pew together. 



*The original article given to me by my supervisor was in Vol. 7, Issue 1 of Touchpoints (2011), put out by the Columbus Coalition Against Domestic Violence. and written by Poppy O’Guin Steele.

The trouble with gossip

But everything exposed by the light becomes visible–and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. Ephesians 5:13  
            There is a dessert served in our area named the “sinfully delicious dessert.” I promise you, it is really delicious. It has crescent rolls involved, cream cheese, butter, cinnamon and sugar…need I say more. Yum! The name always took me aback, though. It always left me theologically contemplating over my dessert. Is it so fattening as to become sinful? Should I really eat something and enjoy it titled sinful? Why does its deliciousness exceed goodness so much that we deem it “sinful?” Tell me I’m not the only one who overthinks these things. Obviously, I eventually give up contemplation and dig into my dessert and enjoy the conversation around me.
            On the same note, one of my favorite nail polish brands is called Sinful Colors. I really like it, it lasts longer than regular store polish, it does have great color options available, but sinful? I don’t get it. What makes it sinful?
            Our culture is simply ok with sin. It’s normalized and even in the church we can become numb to the reality that sin is destructive and pervasive. It eats away not only at specific parts of our lives, but our hearts, and the space made by the Spirit for God to reside.
            I think gossip, is like my “sinfully delicious dessert” or my “sinful colors” nail polish. It’s the pretty sin. It’s just so stinking tempting. It makes me feel a little better. It may even bring me “friends” for a moment, willing to swap stories and share heartaches caused by others. I want people to desperately understand my struggle, but I need to be on guard that it doesn’t cause me to sin. Gossip is so tempting in the pastor’s wife world because we feel like we can’t be heard. Sometimes we just want to scream, “Is anyone listening? Did anyone notice I’m here?” and there are people who have wronged us. Most of us have had some kind of hurtful experience in the church, big or small.
            Ephesians 5:13 speaks to revealing sin for what it is. Sin, brought before God, i.e. “God this is so hard for me. This person really hurt me. I’m angry, I’m sad. I’m just so tired…” is now in the light. Exposed, it has no place in my heart, no power over my life. In fact, this verse tells us that the sin exposed is now a light itself, pointing others to mercy and grace. God promises to use our very struggle and turn it into ministry.
            Let’s paint on some new nail polish – “Colors of Amazing Grace”. May our lives and our speech be coated by Him. May my pretty little toes point to the change of Christ in me instead of being sinfully delicious in this world with enough sin already.