Trying to find beautiful: On body image and relationships

I have a complicated relationship with the word beautiful.

The first time I remember telling myself I was fat was in junior high.

I’d like to think it had to do with a changing body and hormones, but I don’t think that was it.

There is something about being suddenly aware of boys that throws a girl into new beliefs about herself. I’d like that not to be true – and it may not be an issue for some of you out there – but for many of us that’s just the way it is, and we need to be honest about that. From a very early age, our beauty is tied up in the relationships around us. It actually makes me want to cry a little bit, that our beauty would be wrapped up in what a someone thinks of us. There is something off there, something so connected to the way it’s supposed to be, but not quite right, and it’s hard to figure it all out, so we plunge ahead on weird courses trying to make ourselves feel better,

trying to find beautiful.

In high school, I remember exercising for beauty, rather than health or strength for the first time. Maybe if I did just the right amount of sit ups I would feel better. I remember healthily and not healthily saying no to chips and Snickers bars and pop, because maybe then I’d be pretty and my hips would stop making pants so dang difficult.

I thought with marriage my body image issues would be better. With a husband to tell me I’m beautiful, what can go wrong? That pit of disdain (or at least discomfort) when I weighed myself or looked in the mirror would melt away in the arms of someone who loved me unconditionally.

But it didn’t get better.

Shocker, but a man didn’t solve my problems.

Even as an adult, the word beautiful played games in my head, taunting me with something I’d never be.

I’m not girly.

I’m not graceful.

I’m not good with my hair.

I like food a lot.

And then, one day I turned to my left and saw my daughter. The words taunting me, I heard from her mouth. That was when I demanded that something had to give. I pleaded with God to help me. Lord, I want her to see beautiful in herself, in her friends, in me… instead of maybe ok.

God’s answer, as always, was the Word of God. He picked me up, dusted off my shame, and sent me to the Scriptures.

When I studied and then wrote through the Song of Songs, I began to see that beauty has a lot less to do with pretty and a lot more to do with strength than we think. It has to do with a Savior, and is more intimately connected to His sacrifice and death than I can wrap my head around. It has to do with honor and kindness, even when it holds onto its very physical properties.

And it’s relational.

No wonder I struggled with my beauty based on boys. We understand beautiful in relationship – any and all relationships, romantic, friendship, or familial. That, I believe, is Scriptural Truth.

Healing our beliefs about the word beautiful will be changed in the Word, yes, but God is teaching me that it is also changed in community with each other – in friendship, in life together, in calling out beautiful where we see it, and in proclaiming God’s workmanship in one another – not just to our daughters, but to one another’s daughters, to wives, and to women everywhere.

If you have a complicated relationship with the word beautiful, here is what I want to tell you:

God makes beautiful and God defines beautiful, I don’t get to. I want to believe Him instead, be covered by Him instead of my own ideas about my body and myself and this one word – beautiful,

but we can only do that together.

I’ll never conquer this by myself. Our brains weren’t designed for that. The battle wasn’t meant to be lonely.

Dig out your phone. Text a friend. Tell them they are beautiful. Sing it over them. They need you and in the midst of that, God will heal this weirdness about beauty and beautiful and boys and all of it.

Altogether beautiful, friends.

Let’s help each other begin to believe it.

Click here for a free sample of Altogether Beautiful: A Study of the Song of Songs 

Entrepreneurial Ministry and Friendship that Inspires

People are my jam.

I love people. More than that I love friendship.

I love meeting people where they are and hearing their story.

This Fall we were invited to friendship and invited to hear a story of culture, and relationship, and ministry, first hand. We spent ten days in Spain, staying up too late, having meaningful conversation, watching copious amounts of Star Trek, eating at a plethora of cafes, exploring, and doing daily life with people, who happened to be missionaries, happened to love Jesus, and happened to also be all about inviting people in deeper, so much so that they designed their ministry around just that –

inviting people in.

Meraki Exchange Point is the dream child of the Holy Spirit, Nathanael, and Courtney Mosier Warren. It has come out of love and life in a culture very different from the ones they were raised in, far removed from traditional church life and ministry.

Nathanael and Courtney fell in love with the Basque people several years ago, and then fell into the warmth of these people and their culture in Northeastern Spain when they moved there. Their deepest desire is to share the Hope of Christ with the Basque around them, particularly in the small, but bustling town of Oñati, Spain.

In doing this, they discovered a need – two needs actually:

The desire of most locals to learn English and have their children learn English for business and educational purposes

The desire to converse, to ask deep questions, and build genuine relationships around a cup of café, in a low key, inviting environment

And so Meraki Exchange Point was born – an English language school and cafe, where people can learn, grow, ask questions, make relationships, and bring friends.

Nate and Courtney have been honest with their Basque friends sharing their own desire to plant a church there, but sometimes that’s not the first ministry step. Sometimes God has plans that look a little different than we first expect.

Hear Nate and Courtney’s story and more on entrepreneurial ministry in today’s podcast:

Written in Iron Ink:  Entrepreneurial Ministry

Connect with Nathanael and Courtney:

Meraki Ministry Concept Video

@merakiexchangepoint on Instagram

@Mexchangepoint on Twitter

Support the Meraki Exchange Point project!

Conversation, Jesus, and Vulnerable Enough to Be Wrong

I could sit and talk with my husband about Jesus, grace, or the struggles of life for hours.

Do you have anyone like that in your life?

I think we all need at least one person we can spontaneously talk to about Scripture, about life.

Not to get all the theology right. Not with an agenda. Not to fill in our Bible study books, but to just talk.

I do love that my husband can answer my questions, find me good resources, and correct my rash heretical moments. Don’t get me wrong, being married to a pastor has its perks.

I love him more though, because he is safe.

I love him because he loves Jesus.

I love him because he listens and shares and dreams and puts a manly spin on the world that I would miss otherwise. I love him because he is vulnerable enough not to know it all, but desires to go deeper and learn more, every time.

It’s important to have places and people in our life we can be wrong with. We need people to wander around conversation with. People who can point out our issues, not because they want to be right, rather because you’re having a discussion and that’s what discussion looks like – a volley, a banter, an opening of minds and hearts.

The best part about doing this around the Bible is that the Bible is always right! The Bible holds Truth in Love in perfection, so we have somewhere to go to figure this life out…together.

What would life look like without genuine discussion?





Really, many, many spaces and places we find ourselves today.

So, Dave and I invite you into our Scripture conversation in two short and thought-provoking episodes connected to the I Love My Shepherd and Grafted Heart Advent series –

Above All Names

Check out the two episodes below –

Above All Names: Old Testament

Above All Names: New Testament

Here are all the links you need for the Advent series:

Above All Names Advent Devotion PDF
Above All Names Printable Images
Above All Names Advent Reading and Writing Plan

Remember, all the devos and podcasts can be found right here on and each day of Advent! Subscribe to the blog to get them in your inbox each day. The Podcast can be found on the Podcast Page, iTunes, or Stitcher as they are released.

Who can you be vulnerable with enough to be wrong sometimes, to have real and meaningful discussion, to share a moment of safety in a crazy unsafe world?